'I was hoping to go straight home after the birth … but instead he went to NICU'
Catherine’s story | A mother’s heart
“I was hoping to go straight home after the birth … but instead he was taken to the NICU. I was able to go up and feed him, but he was attached to tubes, and on IV antibiotics, and his oxygen was dipping. It was very stressful.
On day five, they did more tests to find out what was wrong, but we didn’t know anything. His colour was off and he was really unwell. It was scary and overwhelming. So, after the feed, I went down to the cafeteria and I had a coffee. I hadn’t slept in ages. I felt tired and weak. One of our friends from church had given me a new notebook to write in, so I took it out. It was clean and pretty. She also sent me a verse from Psalm 139. ‘I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well … How precious to me are your thoughts, God!”’(v 14-17). I decided to write it out in the new notebook. I often do that, even when I know a passage well.
“So I wrote out the whole passage and as I did, I felt a rush of thanks. It wasn’t peace, or healing, or a phone call to say that everything was okay … it was just a rush of thanks – acknowledging who God is, as our creator and whose works are wonderful.
“I was at my lowest point, but I knew I had to praise him. I was clutching my coffee and I had tears streaming down my face, but they weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of thankfulness that God is God, and he knows my days (and that the nurses are wonderful, and the NICU is so close, and we have so much help) but, mostly, that I can praise God.
“I didn’t have assurance that everything would get better, it sometimes doesn’t … but I knew I wanted to thank God right then, in the cafeteria, rather than waiting till things got better, or till I’d slept.”