Good news: no body found in Jesus' tomb

Confirming 2000 years of Christian suspicion, excavators at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem have discovered that there is indeed no body inside the tomb thought to be the resting place of Jesus Christ after his death.

In an unsurprising turn of events, archaeologists and historians peeled back a layer of marble, to find not a body, but another layer of marble.

Excavators were left scratching their heads over the possible location of Jesus’ body.

Although there was no body underneath the stone, excavators seemed unexpectedly thrilled by the discovery of some dust.

“What was found is astonishing,” said National Geographic archaeologist Fredrik Hiebert, speaking of the revelation of some debris and yet another marble slab, in a church made almost entirely of the precious stone.

Excavators were left scratching their heads over the possible location of Jesus’ body.

Hint: “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; He has risen!” (Luke 24:5-6).